apathy.

January 6, 2011

“…Good intentions lie dormant
And we’re all to blame

While apathy acts like an ally
My enemy and I are one and the same”     (Brooke Fraser, Flags)

These words have been true of my life for some time now.  I’ve been dealing with a complacent heart.  I’ve been dealing with selfishness.  This tendency I have to invest in my relationship with the Lord, to love other people when it is convenient for me.  But when it might get in the way of my happiness, when I am not instantly gratified, I get frustrated.  I give up.

I’m coming to terms with the fact that following Christ is supposed to be HARD.  He asks us to TAKE UP OUR CROSSES and FOLLOW Him, to leave all else behind.  And if it’s not hard, then my heart is not right.  I’m not living as I was called to live.  My life is still too much mine, not enough His.  He asks for ALL of it.

Praise the Lord for grace!  That he can love me even when I’m living for myself, in sin.  Praise the Lord that he loves me TOO much to let me dwell there.  Because He has designed us to only be fully and eternally satisfied in Him–He knows it’s what we need most, what will bring Him the most glory.

The Lord is changing my heart.  And I’m thankful.  And excited to see what He’ll do, where He’ll lead.