It's been too long since I last wrote here. I will not attempt to make any excuses except for the graduating thing, the moving home thing, the getting married thing, the honeymoon thing and the moving to Kentucky thing... other than those things, there is probably no reason for me to not blog, right?!
Anyhow, I currently find myself spending my days applying to jobs, running errands, doing laundry, and cooking for Mark. The downsides to this lifestyle include: being alone for several hours, feeling discouraged with every job description that reminds me I'm inexperienced and unqualified and every email that tells me "thanks but no thanks", and lots and lots of quiet. The introvert I thought I was is now very confused as to why I am not rejoicing at my present circumstances and Mark has told me repeatedly in the past few weeks that I am, in fact, an extrovert. I don't know.
On the other hand, the biggest blessing of this season for me is the fact that I get to have daily unhurried, uninterrupted time in the Word and in prayer. At the beginning of the summer, I had just finished a semester-long study of the gospel of Mark with my roommates. I decided I needed to choose something new to study on my own, thought it would be good to pick something from the Old Testament, and somehow landed on Hosea. Honestly, I'm not really sure what made me think that was what I ought to study. Now that I am several chapters in, however, I see the Lord's hand clearly at work in bringing me to this book.
Frankly, the past few weeks have been pretty difficult for me. In the process of applying for jobs, I have allowed myself to question whether or not I have anything to offer my potential employers (cue downward spiral of negative self-thoughts). I have felt incredibly lonely and wondered how in the world we ended up in Louisville, KY, hours and miles away from all of our family and friends.
And I'm reading Hosea and daily being smacked in the face with the reality that just as Israel pursued idols and trusted in kings, I am pursuing the idols of success and achievement and belonging. I am sincerely believing the lies that if I just got the perfect job offer, or if I just had a few more friends here, this would all go away and I would be fine.
Though I have neglected to trust or hope in the Lord, he has continued to love and pursue me (Hosea 11:2-4). Praise God that his love for us has nothing to do with our own merit or goodness-- that it flows from his redemptive grace to us! And these circumstances that I have allowed to affect the state of my heart are not worth trusting in. Without a heart that is seeking after the Lord, there will always be something getting in the way of the joy that is found in Him.
Working on persistence in prayer and leaning on the grace of my Savior as I fight against my tendency to hope in idols.
my forgetful heart
Often distracted and unfaithful, I forget the gospel truth I need so desperately-- but my gracious Savior always brings me back to himself. This is a space for me to share His goodness in teaching, molding, and sanctifying me for His glory.