that will melt me into conscious lowliness before thee,
that will make me feel and rest in thee as my All."
-puritan prayer, The Valley of Vision
It's been a long time since my last post. And I don't like it, because I've found that writing is one of the most helpful ways I can identify the things that have been going on in my mind and heart. So I'm back, finally, with plenty of thoughts :) One of those thoughts, recently, comes from Mark 10. My roommates and I have been studying Mark for quite a while now, and I've been so in awe of Jesus week after week.
I'd read these passages before, but recognized something new in this reading. In verses 13-16, children are brought to Jesus, but the crowd surrounding him (including the disciples) are shooing children away, seeing them as an annoyance. When Jesus sees this, he is indignant, telling them to let the children come to him and recognizing these little ones' faith as something special.
In verses 46-52 we see a blind man cry out to Jesus for healing. Once again, the crowd sees this man as an impertinence. Normally, he would have been ignored; looked over. However, Christ sees the man and brings him in. He knows what the man needs, but gives him the opportunity to ask in faith. Then he responds, "Go your way, your faith has made you well" (52). The man immediately joins Jesus as one of his followers.
Jesus brings these marginalized people in, validates their worth, brings them healing, shows them kindness, and recognizes their faith. He does it because he loves them.
But what was so striking to me this time was that I realized Jesus' secondary intent-- he also loves those who were following him already and wants them to see that he desires genuine faith and a true awareness of how much they need him. It's funny how many times in this study I've come across instances of unbelief in the disciples. They are almost constantly being surprised by what Jesus says and what he is capable of doing. (It's so funny because if they believe that he is the Son of God, nothing should surprise them. Don't they know he's sovereign and all-powerful and holy, etc. etc...?)
And I find it really comical until I recognize that I am just like them.
I am frequently thinking small thoughts of my Savior and placing pressure on myself to be independent and figure things out on my own. I was hit hard with the reality that as of late it has been my tendency to not really believe that I need Him.
I'm convicted that this needs to change. My heart needs to dwell in constant dependence on the Lord. And it's okay for me to be meek and lowly, because that's exactly what I am. Praying that I will feel and know my need of Christ more.
