home.

Today, my parents and little brother filled up a U-Haul and said goodbye to our Kansas City home for good.


I admit that I'm a bit of a wreck about it.

This house has been ours for 15 years.  Most of my memories are connected to it, and Liberty by extension.
I do recognize that moving is a very normal life occurrence, as I've had to shuffle my stuff around from place to place in Kirksville for the past three years at school, and I'm about to make the most significant move of my life to Louisville, KY in a few months (What? Crazy.)

But here's the thing: my family's home was not ordinary.
Fifteen years is a lot of life in one place, particularly when you have parents like mine.  I don't know many people quite as warm or welcoming as they are.  I distinctly remember that even when I was much younger, some of my favorite times at home were nights spent eating a good meal and sitting and talking in the living room with company.


When I got a little older, (and went through a "my parents can't possibly be cool" phase), the Lord often humbled me with the realization that my friends loved spending time in our home because they enjoyed my parents so much.  We had so many sweet nights of conversation in that living room with the extra-soft shag carpet (so no one minded plopping down on the floor).  I had several friends who met individually with one of my parents to talk or pray, and a couple friends who went through pre-marital counseling with my mom and dad too.

I've learned a lot about loving people from my parents and in that home.

And because of this, I recognize in myself a longing for things to remain as they were, for that home to belong to my parents for a long time.

"These things-- the beauty, the memory of our own past-- are good images of what we really desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself, they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshippers.  For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited."  -C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory

That home was just a place, and God has called my family to another home where he will use them to point more people to himself.

And ultimately, the "thing itself" that Lewis alludes to is our permanent, eternal home with Christ in glory.  This is what we ought to long for.  Praying that, despite the fact that I will miss my Kansas City home (and soon, my Kirksville home) like crazy, that the Lord would teach me to long for the thing itself.  

heaviness and hope.

Lately, I've been experiencing heartache in various forms.  I've thought a lot about people I care about who don't know the Lord.  I've prayed for them impatiently and with much frustration.  I've thought about the things I believe, how they stand in stark contrast to the wisdom of the world.  I've watched as people on both ends of the spectrum have flung mean and hateful words at each other, and nothing is ever resolved (nor is understanding ever achieved).  I've seen (and personally experienced) the effects of sin on an individual as well as those they have sinned against.

And these things have brought with them a heaviness that I am unequipped to deal with.    I get sad and introspective, and I try to pray, but I struggle to believe that anything can ever be fixed; that the Lord can bring redemption to these things.

The message that I heard Easter Sunday brought refreshing to my weary heart.

We studied John chapter 20, verses 19-31.  Jesus had recently been crucified, and the disciples were fearful and confused.  They were in hiding when they encountered the resurrected Christ for the first time.  Those that were present were comforted by Christ's presence, but Thomas, who had not been there, doubted.  Then Jesus returns, showing Thomas the marks on his wrists and his side, and Thomas believes.

In this passage, the first words Jesus speaks to the disciples are "Peace be with you."  In this I am reminded that no one is able to initiate lasting peace with God-- this is what Jesus did for us when he suffered God's wrath on our behalf.  The only true peace we will ever know is in loving relationship with Jesus Christ.  And he offers it, freely.

Next, we see that Jesus is patient, he forebears with us though we have deserted and disobeyed him.  The disciples had utterly abandoned Christ at the time of his arrest.  After his death, they hid themselves away.  But Jesus is forgiving and faithful, even when we are faithless (2 Timothy 2:13).  When Thomas expresses his doubts to the other disciples, Jesus returns to gently and lovingly show him the truth in the midst of his doubt.

In this way, the resurrection is also personal.  Thomas' response to his encounter with Christ is "My Lord and my God!"  In Jesus' death and resurrection, he has made it possible for us to know him.  Not as a cold and distant being, but a holy, powerful, and personal Savior.

Lastly, the resurrection comes in power.  Jesus' return to life is the seal on God's promise to make all things new (Revelation 21).

Jesus brings us peace with God, he is patient with us in our doubts, sins, and failures, he knows and loves us personally, and he comes in power (over sin, death, our circumstances).  He alone can draw hardened sinners (like I was) to himself.  These promises are teaching me to trust the Lord more in my heartache.  The truths of what Christ has done, that he LIVES, and that he is stronger than my fear, bring with them great HOPE.  I'm praising God for that today.