uncomfortable grace.

Recently the future has been on my mind quite a bit.  At this point there are several things up in the air: job, school, etc.  And every time my mind goes there, I've allowed it to become a really overwhelming, fear-inducing thing.  I have not been offering it up to the Lord or really dealing with it in any kind of healthy way, just churning and worrying and letting that spiral out of control.

This weekend I heard a sermon preached on Mark 6:45-52.  (http://www.redeemerkansascity.org/sermons/the-difference-between-amazement-and-faith/)
Essentially, Jesus has told the disciples to get in a boat and head toward Bethsaida while he stays behind to pray.  The disciples start making their way across the water and struggle against the wind, making little headway.

The disciples are in this mess because of their obedience to Christ.  He takes them where they haven't intended to go in order to produce in them what they cannot achieve on their own-- grace.  And in their case this isn't the grace of relief, but the uncomfortable grace of refinement.

As the passage continues, we see the incredible truth that Christ is for them.  He meets them on the water and is present with them in their difficulty.  And yet, even in the midst of his presence, the disciples are utterly astounded-- they can't believe that Jesus had come to them walking on water; can't believe that he had the power to make the wind cease.  Their thoughts of Him were completely and utterly too small.  They still didn't understand fully who he was or what that meant.  Instead their hearts were hardened and they missed an opportunity to experience his refining grace.

All believers in Jesus Christ have the incredible and uncomfortable grace of God that takes us where we didn't intend to go, walks with us in the midst of difficulty, and refines and produces sanctification in us.  I'm learning that I have become satisfied with the work He has done in me so far; that I am content to stay where I am because it's comfortable here.  But the Lord refuses to let me go without confronting these areas of my life where he is taking me somewhere new and scary for my good in order that I might trust Him more.  In order that I might cast aside small thoughts of Him.  That I might see that His refining work in me brings Him much glory, and I would give Him space to do so.

He is worthy of our trust, our hope, our worship, our very lives.

grace and worship.

My roommates and I started reading through the book of Mark this semester.  This week was chapter 2, and I found myself really encouraged by what I found there.

First, (vs. 18-22) the Pharisees are bothered by the fact that Jesus and his disciples do not fast.  To their question Jesus is quick to reply that the disciples are with the bridegroom now, experiencing and rejoicing in the presence of God as they spend time with Jesus, and therefore have no need for fasting until he is gone.

Next, (vs. 23-28) the disciples are seen plucking heads of grain in the grain fields on the Sabbath.  Again, the Pharisees cannot understand why it would be okay for these men to violate the Sabbath merely because they are hungry.  And again, Jesus points them to the truth-- "the Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath."

In each of these instances I see really beautiful truths.  The Pharisees have come to trust in the Law, using it as the lens by which they see everything.  However, in doing so they have completely lost sight of the purpose of both fasting and the Sabbath.  According to Christ, fasting is for seeking the presence of God; for focusing one's full heart and attention on Him.  But they have turned it into a badge of honor, automatically judging those who don't participate.  And not only that, but they are missing out on the personal and tangible presence of Jesus Christ right in front of them.  Similarly, the Sabbath is meant to be God's gift to man; a time of spiritual and physical refreshment.  Therefore, it ought not confine every action a man takes on that day, but rather to be blessed by quiet, restful time with the Lord.

Ultimately, Christ intends to show these religious people that he is Lord over all, even the Law.  And with him comes something completely new, something that cannot be combined with the old (vs. 21-22).  We cannot receive full atonement in the death of Christ and still believe that there is some level of righteousness we can achieve by our own efforts.  Therefore we see Jesus pointing to the grace that exists in him in each situation, setting us free to worship him with transformed hearts swelling with gratitude for what he has done.

When we get caught up in the "rules and duties", we lose out on the entire heart behind what God asks of us.  The truth is, he has made us for worship and delight in Him.  The things he calls us to are for our greatest good and His own glory.  And if we know Him, sin has no power over us.  So why do we allow just about anything (even "religious" things) to get in the way of humbly and passionately seeking the Lord in His Word and in prayer?

My prayer is that I would continue to be transformed by God in such a way that my heart would long for more of Him and the result would be a life of worship.

Alas and Did My Savior Bleed.

Alas! and did my Savior bleed

And did my Sovereign die.

Would He devote that sacred head

For sinners such as I?

His body slain; nailed to the cross

Bathed in his own blood

There received the wrath of God

His soul in anguish stood.

It was for crimes that I had done

That kept him on the tree.

Amazing mercy, matchless grace

And love beyond degree.

When Christ, our own creator died

And took upon our sin

Not even in that darkest hour

Could glory be shut in

My thoughts fixed on His sacrifice –

The cross that draws me near

Dissolve my heart in thankfulness

And melt my eyes to tears.

Alas! and did my Savior bleed

And did my Sovereign die.

Would He devote that sacred head

For sinners such as I?

Drops of grief cannot repay

The love I owe to you

Lord, I give myself away

Its all that can do.

-hymn by Isaac Watts

Sojourn – Alas and Did My Savior Bleed

refine me.

"Thou blessed Spirit, author of all grace and comfort, come, work repentance in my soul; represent sin to me in its odious colors that I may hate it; melt my heart by the majesty and mercy of God; show me my ruined self and the help there is in him; teach me to behold my Creator, his ability to save, his arms outstretched, his heart big for me..."

-puritan prayer

places.

I am a ridiculously sentimental person.  I attach images, sounds, words, music, and things to memories.  Sometimes they rush back vividly, all at once, and I can almost go back.

I'm not much of a storyteller.  But the other night I got going when Mark and I were talking about the perfect summer night, and I couldn't stop.  I started telling him every detail I could remember about beautiful days and nights spent in the middle of nowhere (affectionately referred to as "the farm") with my best friends.  About picking blackberries in thorny bushes and then making blackberry cobbler, going mudding and ending up in mud-fights and on rope swings, long drives on gravel roads, "Covered in Rain" on repeat, watching thunderstorms roll in and light up a big dark sky, bonfires, burgers, beans, hammocking, sunsets and starry skies, homemade New Years Eve ball drops, quiet mornings with the Lord before my friends woke up and pancake breakfasts when they did.

I don't ever get sick of these stories.  If anything, I worry that at some point I won't remember them as well.  Life seemed simpler then.  We dreamed about the future, seeing only the endless possibilities in front of us.  We laughed a lot.  We savored our time, making the most of every silly idea or good conversation.

Life is different now.  We're all different too.  And I get sad thinking that things will never be the way they were.  But I'm so thankful for that place and those people.  I'm thankful for all the little ways the Lord used that season of my life to reveal to me more of who he is.  I'm thankful for the way he orchestrated friendships and brought together people that taught me about real fellowship in him.  And I'm thankful that He's not finished with us yet-- that even though my friends and I are all spreading out and moving on, I know he's continuing to mold us and teach us and sanctify us for his glory.

I'm praising God tonight for what he has done, but I'm also praising him because I know that's not all there is.
"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
“The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.” Lamentations 3:22-24

first, sinner.

"When you have tasted the grace of the gospel, no relationship, no matter how wrong or hurtful or annoying looks the same to you. You'll see yourself as 'first, sinner, and second, sinned against,' and when that happens, your entire disposition toward others' offenses toward you will change." -J.D. Greear

How often is this really how I see things?  I confess that I find myself easily hurt, offended, and frustrated by others.  It is difficult for me to respond with grace and forgiveness.  I often forget that God, the HOLY one, is hurt and offended by sin.  And I am first and foremost a sinner.  I am only able to be called righteous because of the blood of Christ.  Only because a holy God who required sacrifice for the forgiveness of sins made the perfect sacrifice in his Son.  Only because Jesus bore the full wrath of God so that I wouldn't have to.

And if I truly believe these things to be true, what right do I have to choose not to forgive? Shouldn't I give grace to others in praise of the God who gave the greatest grace in Christ?

I should.  And I am learning.  First, sinner. Second, sinned against.

First, undeserving.  Next, given grace...  given life, forgiveness of sins, relationship with the Lord, joy, peace.

Thanks Lord, for refinement. For reaffirming my identity (forgiven sinner). For purpose (to bring you glory by giving grace to others).

boasting.

I was convicted yesterday by a message I heard about boasting.  If you have the time, I encourage you to listen: http://www.redeemerkansascity.org/sermons/wisdom-folly-boasting/

I've been allowing myself to feel overwhelmed recently, getting completely caught up in school and feeling like a total failure when my efforts don't translate to favorable results.  I've been frustrated with friendships, experiencing insecurity when it seems like people are too busy or have moved on to other friends.

So I've been overwhelmed; frustrated.  I've been tired.  Self-pitying.

And then it hit me yesterday.  I've been trying really hard to have something to boast in.  Attaching my worth to school or friendships, hoping that through them I would find value.  I'd find something to feel good about.

It doesn't feel like boasting when things aren't going your way.  It feels like rock-bottom.  But the truth is, if I had been doing well in these areas of my life, what would be coming through in my attitude would be pride.  Both self-deprecation and pride stem from a heart that desires to boast in its own value, achievements, etc.  And both are futile.  Both lead to emptiness, disappointment, a wrong view of self, and a wrong view of God.

Boasting is "that of which one glories or can glory".  Here's the beautiful truth I was reminded of yesterday: I have nothing of my own to glory in.  All boasting ought to be for the One who is infinitely glorious and who ALONE is worthy.  He has given us everything in Christ.  ALL glory is due to His name.  So let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord!


"For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”

(1 Corinthians 1:26-31 ESV)