dust and ashes.

"Let it be published in heaven as a wonder, that the Lord Jesus should set His heart's love upon such as we are. Dust and ashes though we be, we must and will 'magnify the exceeding greatness of His grace.'"


-Charles Spurgeon, Morning and Evening

humility.

Recently I've been learning through brokenness.

I have an opportunity for ministry on campus next year, and I have had all these thoughts and opinions on how to improve this ministry.  And as I continue to delve deeper into how to really go about doing these things, how to sharpen the focus on genuine fellowship among believers truly desiring to grow in their love for and lives for the Lord that is founded on and deepened by the truth of the Word, I am realizing that it is FAR more difficult than I thought.  Who would've thought that by trying to simplify ministry it would become even more complex?  

But what that has meant for me in processing all of these things is that I've discovered that I'm at the end of my rope.  I've realized that from my own strength and my own "creativity" have come a few mediocre ideas that may or may not bring positive change and life to the ministry.  I have analyzed the crap out of this thing, I have looked at it from every possible angle, and what I've ultimately come to is that I'm honestly more at a loss now than when I started.  This whole thing is starting to look really hopeless, right?  I might as well just kind of give up, sit back, and continue to do things the way they've always been done.  Forget my thoughts and convictions and turn it on cruise control?

Try again.  I was totally broken tonight after a conversation with some old friends about the church.  Lots of us were expressing frustrations based on things we'd seen elsewhere or bad experiences we've had personally.  Some of these issues were legitimate, some of them were purely a matter of personal taste.  But the point is that this conversation was bringing me again to a place of helplessness.  There are a whole myriad of problems in "THE church"; in every small part and person that makes up the collective body of Christ.  And these things break my heart, but I CAN'T fix them.  

All of these things I've been thinking about and talking about have finally lead me to a place where I should have been from the beginning: coming humbly before the Lord in prayer; recognizing that even my best efforts-- even efforts meant to please the Lord-- simply do not compare to the plans and purposes of God.  If we want to be effective in ministry, if we want to see positive change in the church, if we want to turn from sin in our lives we had better be fixing our eyes and our hearts on the One who alone has all glory, honor, and power.  We ought to be fully reliant on Him and His grace every step of the way.  It is the Lord that brings life to the church; His strength that enables us to turn from sin and toward godliness. 

To think that we have anything to offer is to miss the point, to see ourselves incorrectly in relation to the Lord.  He is completely and perfectly HOLY.  Our very nature is SINFUL.  But by His grace we are called His.  And our only boasting; our only hope is in Him.  If we would learn to see every part of our lives in this way, if we could if we could learn to humbly live in complete dependence on Him, I am confident that the Lord will move mightily and be glorified all the more.

O, that my heart would melt...

"I am not affected by the death of Jesus as I ought to be; neither am I moved by the ruin of my fellow men, the wickedness of the times, the chastisement of my heavenly Father, and my own failures, as I should be. O that my heart would melt at the recital of my Saviour's sufferings and death.  Would to God I were rid of this nether millstone within me, this hateful body of death. Blessed be the name of the Lord, the disease is not incurable, the Saviour's precious blood is the universal solvent, and me, even me, it will effectually soften, till my heart melts as wax before the fire." 
-Charles Spurgeon, Morning and Evening

to bring us to God.

"But what is the ultimate good in the good news?  It all ends in one thing: God himself.  All the words of the gospel lead to him, or they are not the gospel.  For example, salvation is not good news if it only saves from hell and not for God.  Forgiveness is not good news if it only gives relief from guilt and doesn't open the way to God.  Justification is not good news if it only makes us legally acceptable to God but doesn't bring fellowship with God.  Redemption is not good news if it only liberates us from bondage but doesn't bring us to God.  Adoption is not good news if it only puts us in the Father's family but not in his arms."

-John Piper, Fifty Reasons Why Jesus Came to Die

heart, soul, mind, strength.

Wrote this for my home church in reflecting on Christ's life and death this week.

Many of us are familiar with the Great Commandment.  When Jesus is asked in the last week of his life which commandment is most important, he responds with, “The most important is, ‘Hear, O Israel, The Lord our God, the Lord is one.  And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’  The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’  There is no commandment greater than these,” (Mark 12:29-31).  In this simple and profound statement I find great encouragement.  Christ is communicating that with Him, things are changing.  In reflecting on the Old Testament and the old law, we find several commandments.  This law was meant to show us our sin, to show the depth of our depravity before the Father.  It was a law that could not be fulfilled by any person in history—until Christ came down in the flesh and lived a perfect and holy life.  And what was his gift to us?  Himself.  Above all, He is asking us to love Him with all our heart, soul, and mind.  The other commandments have not disappeared, but our motivation has changed.  When we are seeking to know and love God more, obedience flows from a heart of praise to Him.  We are not perfect, but we are being renewed to see and delight in the Lord, causing us to live lives pleasing to Him.  Thus, our religion is not based on all we must do, but what Christ has done and is doing in us.  This is a great and wonderful truth!  Meditate today on the gift of God and think on what it means to love Him with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength.

hope of glory.

Aching right now for a place I've never been before.  My home church supports an orphanage in Haiti, an opportunity that has been used by the Lord as a blessing to many.  But, because of circumstantial issues surrounding the orphanage right now, I am reminded of the depth of human depravity, of the far-reaching effects of sin and brokenness in this world.  It breaks my heart.


But light does shine through darkness.  God is there in the midst of the broken.  I see it in several ways, but the most powerful to me is the image of my dad and other members of the LCF body loving these children.  My father, the man who has been by my side since I took my first breath and loved me and taught me and helped me grow, has several other children.  Beautiful Haitian children.  Because as we have received the spirit of adoption as sons (Romans 8:15), we all become family under One name. We should take great pleasure in loving and caring for brothers and sisters and widows and children in Christ.  We are told in James 1:27 that, "Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world."  God cares deeply for the poor and oppressed.  He hates injustice, He hates sin and its painful out-workings in this world.  And as His children, we are called to love those who are also called His.  


The darkness has not and will not overcome.  And though suffering does exist, the Lord is still magnifying His name through the pouring out of His love on His people, to give to those in need.  Not only do we have these glimpses of light, but we also have the hope of future glory.


"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience."
Romans 8:18-25

center.

March 31, 2011

Tonite I heard a message that strikes a chord with where I’ve found myself lately.  Thinking about what it means to live a life of radical abandonment to the glory of God.  To repent of self-centeredness, to aim to make Christ the center.  To love Him and love people.

These are simple callings.  They look very different from the law of the Old Testament.  They are straightforward, unadorned.  But simple and easy are two different things.  Christ, who has freely given me grace and abundant life in His name, is asking me to love Him and to love my neighbor as myself.  And I want to.  So why do I find myself in the same place over and over again?  Proclaiming that I want to love and serve God, but living a life that is still very much my own?

Father.

Thank you that you are gracious and slow to anger, abounding in steadfast love.

I am unworthy to be called Yours.  I am unfaithful.  I am selfish.  I am lazy.  I hear what you’re asking me, but more often than not, I do not act obediently in love.

Break me.  Break me of myself.  Let me see your glory, and may it change me deeply.  Bring me to my knees.  Then mobilize me, fill my heart and mouth with praise to You.

I pray that my life would be evidence of the work YOU have done in it.  I can claim nothing good as coming from me.  All glory, honor, power is Yours.