first, sinner.

"When you have tasted the grace of the gospel, no relationship, no matter how wrong or hurtful or annoying looks the same to you. You'll see yourself as 'first, sinner, and second, sinned against,' and when that happens, your entire disposition toward others' offenses toward you will change." -J.D. Greear

How often is this really how I see things?  I confess that I find myself easily hurt, offended, and frustrated by others.  It is difficult for me to respond with grace and forgiveness.  I often forget that God, the HOLY one, is hurt and offended by sin.  And I am first and foremost a sinner.  I am only able to be called righteous because of the blood of Christ.  Only because a holy God who required sacrifice for the forgiveness of sins made the perfect sacrifice in his Son.  Only because Jesus bore the full wrath of God so that I wouldn't have to.

And if I truly believe these things to be true, what right do I have to choose not to forgive? Shouldn't I give grace to others in praise of the God who gave the greatest grace in Christ?

I should.  And I am learning.  First, sinner. Second, sinned against.

First, undeserving.  Next, given grace...  given life, forgiveness of sins, relationship with the Lord, joy, peace.

Thanks Lord, for refinement. For reaffirming my identity (forgiven sinner). For purpose (to bring you glory by giving grace to others).

boasting.

I was convicted yesterday by a message I heard about boasting.  If you have the time, I encourage you to listen: http://www.redeemerkansascity.org/sermons/wisdom-folly-boasting/

I've been allowing myself to feel overwhelmed recently, getting completely caught up in school and feeling like a total failure when my efforts don't translate to favorable results.  I've been frustrated with friendships, experiencing insecurity when it seems like people are too busy or have moved on to other friends.

So I've been overwhelmed; frustrated.  I've been tired.  Self-pitying.

And then it hit me yesterday.  I've been trying really hard to have something to boast in.  Attaching my worth to school or friendships, hoping that through them I would find value.  I'd find something to feel good about.

It doesn't feel like boasting when things aren't going your way.  It feels like rock-bottom.  But the truth is, if I had been doing well in these areas of my life, what would be coming through in my attitude would be pride.  Both self-deprecation and pride stem from a heart that desires to boast in its own value, achievements, etc.  And both are futile.  Both lead to emptiness, disappointment, a wrong view of self, and a wrong view of God.

Boasting is "that of which one glories or can glory".  Here's the beautiful truth I was reminded of yesterday: I have nothing of my own to glory in.  All boasting ought to be for the One who is infinitely glorious and who ALONE is worthy.  He has given us everything in Christ.  ALL glory is due to His name.  So let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord!


"For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”

(1 Corinthians 1:26-31 ESV)

growing pains.

For the past few months, I have been experiencing growing pains.

I'm not talking about the physical sense of the term; my body doesn't ache as my muscles are stretching and growing.  In fact, I think my last growth spurt happened in middle school.

What I am, however, referring to I think is a very accurate description of how I've been thinking/feeling recently.

It's interesting-- I've been noticing that the longer a person walks with Christ, the more sinfulness in them is revealed.  I am more aware of my sin this year than I ever have been, and yet I know that even now I don't fully comprehend the depths of that sinfulness.

The word sanctification has been on my mind as of late.  To sanctify is "to make holy".  After a person has been justified by repenting and believing Christ's death and resurrection, they are saved from the penalty of sin.  Christ's righteousness is on them and the Father sees them as holy.  However, sin is still present in our lives until we stand before God in heaven.  Therefore, sanctification is the process by which we walk with God, seek him, love him, praise him, and learn to delight in obedience to him.

When you put it in those terms, it is easy to romanticize.  I've been guilty of rationalizing that if life with Christ isn't great and wonderful, it isn't worth the effort.  But the truth is, growing pains are often (if not always) part of the process.  I have to be broken of sin and self over and over and over again before I can see God's goodness, before I can delight in his presence.  Before he can change me into his likeness.

As I said before, so much of my sinful nature has been revealed to me recently.  It's overwhelming.  It's convicting.  It's hard.  But if that is what it takes to draw me nearer to my God, (and it IS), then growing pains are worthwhile.  Stretching is required, but growing comes as a result.  That is something to rejoice in.


"What then? Are we to sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness? But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness. I am speaking in human terms, because of your natural limitations. For just as you once presented your members as slaves to impurity and to lawlessness leading to more lawlessness, so now present your members as slaves to righteousness leading to sanctification.
For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

(Romans 6:15-23 ESV)

perspective.

"A person cannot appreciate the wonder of God's grace until he knows about the perfect demands of God's law, and he cannot appreciate the fullness of God's love for him until he knows something about the fierceness of God's anger against his sinful failure to perfectly obey that law.  He cannot appreciate God's forgiveness until he knows about the eternal consequences of the sins that require a penalty and need forgiving."

-John MacArthur

transforming.

"All the doctrines of the Gospel are practical principles. The word of God was not written, the Son of God was not incarnate, the Spirit of God was not given, only that Christians might obtain right views, and possess just notions. Religion is something more than mere correctness of intellect, justness of conception, and exactness of judgment. It is a life-giving principle. It must be infused into the habit as well as govern in the understanding; it must regulate the will as well as direct the creed. It must not only cast the opinions into a right frame, but the heart into a new mould. It is a transforming as well as a penetrating principle. It changes the tastes, gives activity to the inclinations, and, together with a new heart, produces a new life.”


–from Practical Piety (Hannah More), p. 14-15.

righteous.

Do we really understand a God whose nature is all righteous, upright; holy?

Do we know what it means, not just to do righteous deeds, or to think righteous thoughts, but to BE righteous?

This God, the one that spoke a universe to be, is the full and total embodiment of righteousness, the essence of perfection.

Can we even begin to wrap our minds around perfection?  Where in this world of sin and decay can we possibly even find it? 

There is no goodness apart from him.  Every shred of good that does exist came directly from him, by him, for him.

And then we met his Son.  All God, all man.  All righteous, all holy.  Lived sinless, in constant and complete submission to the will of the Father.  Died with God’s wrath on him for our sin.  Buried, risen, appeared, commissioned, ascended, now he’s sitting at the right hand of Abba.

God’s holiness required that Jesus come, that Jesus show us his holiness, that he’d teach us grace and liberty and obedience, that he’d die so that we’d live.  So that HIS righteousness would cover our filthy rags, so that salvation would be ours, so that our lives and hearts would be transformed by his Spirit, so that his name would be glorified. 

Believers in Christ have right standing before a righteous God.  Therefore, repent of every sin that holds you back from praising, honoring, obeying, glorifying the Lord as he deserves—seek to love him, trust him, follow him more.

draw near.

Reminded again of my complete and utter depravity.  Of my natural tendency to go my own way; do my own thing until it drives me into the ground.  Reminded of the hardness of my own heart when I've forgotten grace.  It's amazing how quickly and easily I spin into this sickness of self.

And then, clearly in front of me, I see the goodness of God at work.  I catch a glimpse of the cross.  I hear His Words ringing in my head: "Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need" (Hebrews 4:16).  They resound in my heart and I'm overcome by just how absurd it all is.  How absolutely absurd it is that I, in my sinfulness, my selfishness, my hardness of heart, can approach the Father with confidence, I can lay myself (ALL of me) before Him with full knowledge and assurance that He has grace for me.  That He will continue to lavish that grace on me.  That in my drawing near, He will draw nearer.

Apart from the work of Christ, I am a hopeless sinner eternally separated from God and completely deserving of His full wrath. "But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus," (Ephesians 2:4-6).  In Christ we have an advocate.  His shed blood covers our sin and our shame.  And he has imputed his righteousness to us.  I have nothing to fear or hide in my coming before God.  I need only to draw near in humility (a true understanding of ALL that God is and all I am not) and confidence (that I will receive grace and find completeness in relationship with Him).

This infinite and holy God whose very nature is all wrath and all love (He is NOT fickle!) made a way for us to draw near-- Christ alone.