little deaths.

Fall is probably my favorite season.  There's something about the cool air, clear skies and vibrant trees that fills me with pleasure.  Beautiful and intricate leaves that fall to the ground and crunch beneath my feet.  And these trees are wonderful and the leaves are lovely because they have died.

Something I'm slowly learning (again) is the absolute necessity of truly and constantly surrendering my life and heart to the Lord.  Elizabeth Elliot says "Life requires countless 'little' deaths-- occasions where we are given the chance to say no to self and yes to God."  The more I really begin to examine the way I live, I'm convicted that I still cling to what I think or desire to be "mine".  Often that choice is unconscious, but it reflects something deeper in me-- a sinful and selfish heart.  The truth is, the attitude of my heart ought to be a resounding, "YES" to God.  I'm called to take up my cross daily (Luke 9:23), to remember what I've been redeemed from (an eternity of sin and death) and for (the GLORY of God, to be forever in enjoyment of his presence), and consider myself dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus (Romans 6:11).

Abundant life in Christ requires death.  First his death and then ours.  Lasting joy comes from seeking the Lord in all things and from continual surrender to his will.  And there is great beauty to be seen in these "little deaths", for they collide with God's perfect will to his glory.

grace to love what you command.

"Almighty God, you alone can bring into order the unruly wills and affections of sinners: Grant your people grace to love what you command and desire what you promise; that, among the swift and varied changes of the world, our hearts may surely there be fixed where true joys are to be found; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen."

from The Book of Common Prayer, quoted by Elisabeth Elliot (Passion and Purity)

in Him.

"Brethren, at this present moment, although we rejoice to do good works, we are not seeking to obtain life through them, we are not hoping to obtain divine favor by our own goodness, nor even to keep ourselves in the love of God by any merit of our own.  Chosen, not for our works, but according to the eternal will and good pleasure of God; called, not of works, but by the Spirit of God, we desire to continue in his grace and return no more to the bondage of the old covenant...

Neither that which we do, nor even that which the Spirit of God worketh in us is to us the ground and basis of the love of God toward us, since he loved us from the first, because he would love us, unworthy though we were; and he loves us still in Christ, and looks upon us not as we are in ourselves, but as we are in him, washed in his blood and covered with his righteousness.  Ye are not under the law, Christ has taken you from the servile bondage of a condemning covenant and made you to receive the adoption of children, so that now ye cry, Abba, Father."

-C.H. Spurgeon, Christ's Glorious Achievements

God is.

I spent my last night in Colorado surrounded by sweet friends on a quiet dock, with the sound of the water softly lapping up against it and the dark silhouettes that were mountains all around.  The sky was black and filled with tiny shining lights that sparkled in our eyes.  We sang some, we laughed some, we shivered in the cold and at the thought of leaving the place and people we had come to love.

Endings and beginnings are funny things.  And at the end of my time at camp, I was reminded of the goodness and faithfulness of the Lord.  He always knows what I need far better than I do, and He knew that I needed to be there.  It was hard in a lot of ways.  I was lonely at first, I felt disconnected from the people around me.  But that deeply felt loneliness drove me even further in pursuit of the Lord, and for that I am thankful.  Along the way He blessed me with friendships that pointed me to Him.  And now here I am, a little bit different than I was 2 1/2 months ago, grateful for where I was and how He used it in my life to teach me more about Himself.

I was challenged this summer to write an A-Z list of who I know God to be through His Word.  Every time I look at it, I am encouraged but also compelled to further seek after the Lord and find out more about His character and His promises.
God is
Awesome, Abba Father, and the One in whom I abide. He adopted me.
He is my beloved, His blood shed to cover my sin.
He is Creator, consuming fire, crucified He cleanses me.
He is my Deliverer and my delight, His Spirit dwells in me.
He is my ever-present help in trouble, He's eternal; the exalted one.
He is faithful Father, He's my firm foundation, He forgives-- "it is Finished" in Him
He is good and glorious, the Giver and the gift, He is GRACIOUS.
He is holy, He is healer, in Him we have hope.
He is infinite and immeasurable, HE must increase (but I must decrease)
He is just and jealous, joy is found in Him
He's the King of Kings, He is kind, and He knows me to my core
He is love, He's the life-giver, He's lion and lamb, He is light, He is Lord
He is the Maker of all things, majestic and mighty.  He is merciful.
He never fails, He makes me new.  One day His name will be proclaimed among all nations.
He opposes the proud and welcomes outsiders.
He is pure and perfect, He brings peace, He is patient.  He pardons sin, His power is made perfect in my weakness.  He's my portion.
He quiets me by His love.
He's the ruler of all, He's my rest and my refuge.  He's redeemer and He's righteous, He restores and reconciles us to Himself through the risen Son.  He's my rock.
He is sovereign and sustainer.   He's my Savior and my strength.
He is trustworthy, He transforms hard hearts, He sits on the throne.
He is unchangeable and understanding, He upholds the universe by the word of His power.
He is the true vine and has achieved VICTORY over sin and death.
He is wrathful.  He's worthy of all glory, honor and praise.  He is THE Way, He is wise and wonderful.
He is excellent in all His ways.
He is Yahweh, my soul yearns for Him.
He is zealous for His name and His glory.

I'm faced with an ending and a beginning-- the summer is coming to an end, and I'm about to start another year of school with all sorts of exciting and difficult things ahead.  But the God that I know never ceases to be everything that He is.  Above all, I can rest in the unchanging nature of who He is, and hopefully point others to Him.

costly grace.

(from The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer)

"Such grace is costly because it calls us to follow, and it is grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ.  It is costly because it costs a man his life, and it is grace because it give a man the only true life.  It is costly because it condemns sin, and grace because it justifies the sinner.  Above all, it is costly because it cost God the life of his Son: 'ye were bought at a price,' and what has cost God much cannot be cheap for us.  Above all, it is grace because God did not reckon his Son too dear a price to pay for our life, but delivered him up for us."

that the Father may be glorified.

This summer I've been working at camp in Bayfield, Colorado, surrounded by glorious mountains and lakes and rivers and all kinds of beautiful things.  The Lord has been working on my heart in various ways, the most recent of which has been the importance of prayer.

In being here, I've struggled a lot with the temporary nature of camp.  It's a wonderful place and kids love it, because they come and are encouraged and have the time of their lives and get to briefly escape reality.  I've been amazed by their vulnerability; their willingness to share their brokenness with these people they barely know.  And none of them want to leave, because they saw the Lord show up here and experienced community and they don't want to go back to the hard stuff of life.  But the truth is, they have to go back.  Their time at camp is only two weeks of their year.  And when they go back, many of them do not have any kind of encouragement or support to continue to entrust their lives to the Lord and learn and grow in who He is.

That's tough.  Because it is a desire of my heart to walk alongside people in their day-to-day struggles and joys.  I want to learn and grow with them, to be an encouragement to them.  But the reality is, I probably won't see most of these kids again.

The Lord has been showing me, though, that even though that may be true, this doesn't have to be the end.  And it SHOULDN'T be the end.  Because if I truly care for these kids and trust in the power of God in their lives, I need to be faithful to lift them up in prayer.  Pray that He would continue to grow in them a desire to know Him and love Him more.  Pray that they would be saturated with the TRUTH of who God is and what He has given them in his Son.  Pray that they would trust Him to be their strength in times of weakness.  Pray that He would place people in their lives to encourage them and walk alongside them.  And that realization is giving me so much HOPE.  The experiences they had don't have to be "camp highs"; purely emotional experiences that don't have a lasting effect on their lives.  It CAN be the beginning of a significant, growing relationship with the Lord, or the revival of a broken or hardened heart.

I've been reading John this summer, and have come across multiple instances where Christ says that anything we ask in His name, that He will do.  He is NOT saying that He'll grant us anything we ask for (He is NOT some kind of cosmic genie responding to our every wish and whim).  However, the notes in my study bible talked about praying in a manner that is consistent with His character and His will.  Therefore, if we are asking for and desiring what the Lord delights in, He wants to move in response to our prayer so that He will be glorified in the lives of His people.  We can and should ask big things of a big God who delights in His name and His glory being made known in peoples' lives.

So in terms of my summer and the kids that continually stream in and out of camp's gates, I am confident in the unchanging nature of our God.  He continues to be good and faithful and desires that His children will daily live and walk with Him.   And He delights in responding to the prayers of His people for the sake of their good and His glory.

I am so thankful that through Christ I get to be in relationship with God; I am able to talk to Him and He HEARS me and answers my prayers according to His good and perfect will.  What a beautiful thing.

"Whatever you ask in my name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.  If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it."  -john 14:13-14

for freedom.

Recently, I've been thinking about the seriousness of sin.  The truth is, the way we as believers choose to live is important.  But what I often see in the church is either a tendency toward legalism or toward rebellion.  Because many of us think that the reason we're doing what we're doing is so that we look different to the world, or so we can feel better about ourselves, or whatever.  We have lots of reasons for doing what we do.

Here's what I'm learning though: our lives are meant to be reflections of God's glory.  Of the beautiful truth of the gospel.  And we shouldn't be striving for holiness for any reason BUT our simple desire to know God better and love Him more.  Because if we really knew Him, we wouldn't be able to get enough of Him.  If we only understood that His gift of Himself would bring us true and complete fulfillment, we wouldn't need to fill our hearts, minds, lives with lesser things.

The Lord has our best in mind when He tells us in Scripture to "flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart" (2 Timothy 2:22).  It's not because He wants to deprive us of all our "fun"-- it's because He MADE us, He saw us in our sin and sent His Son to DIE for us, it's because He knows what we need, and that is more of HIM.

Friends, there is joy to be found in this glorious truth.  If we are willing to fully trust that the Lord does want our best, that He is not only what we NEED but what we WANT, our desires will begin to align with His.  And we will experience great pleasure in obeying His commands when we recognize the seriousness of our sin, the holiness of God, and the depth of His love for us.

That's what's special about our faith.  That it absolutely is not anything like a ladder or a mountain or anything we have to work toward to "achieve".  It is a free gift, and the gift is the Giver.  We are under GRACE.  And this sets us free to love the Lord, because He is good and because we are unworthy, but we get to be in relationship with Him, we get to experience life with Him in it.

These ideas are basic and foundational, but I'm just starting to really grasp their goodness.  Brothers and sisters, I hope this encourages you!  We aren't living for the glory that comes from man.  We don't need to try to be attractive to other people, we need to LOVE Jesus.  And that means living in obedience to Him and loving His commands.  If we don't, where are our hearts fixed?