Alas and Did My Savior Bleed.

Alas! and did my Savior bleed

And did my Sovereign die.

Would He devote that sacred head

For sinners such as I?

His body slain; nailed to the cross

Bathed in his own blood

There received the wrath of God

His soul in anguish stood.

It was for crimes that I had done

That kept him on the tree.

Amazing mercy, matchless grace

And love beyond degree.

When Christ, our own creator died

And took upon our sin

Not even in that darkest hour

Could glory be shut in

My thoughts fixed on His sacrifice –

The cross that draws me near

Dissolve my heart in thankfulness

And melt my eyes to tears.

Alas! and did my Savior bleed

And did my Sovereign die.

Would He devote that sacred head

For sinners such as I?

Drops of grief cannot repay

The love I owe to you

Lord, I give myself away

Its all that can do.

-hymn by Isaac Watts

Sojourn – Alas and Did My Savior Bleed

refine me.

"Thou blessed Spirit, author of all grace and comfort, come, work repentance in my soul; represent sin to me in its odious colors that I may hate it; melt my heart by the majesty and mercy of God; show me my ruined self and the help there is in him; teach me to behold my Creator, his ability to save, his arms outstretched, his heart big for me..."

-puritan prayer

places.

I am a ridiculously sentimental person.  I attach images, sounds, words, music, and things to memories.  Sometimes they rush back vividly, all at once, and I can almost go back.

I'm not much of a storyteller.  But the other night I got going when Mark and I were talking about the perfect summer night, and I couldn't stop.  I started telling him every detail I could remember about beautiful days and nights spent in the middle of nowhere (affectionately referred to as "the farm") with my best friends.  About picking blackberries in thorny bushes and then making blackberry cobbler, going mudding and ending up in mud-fights and on rope swings, long drives on gravel roads, "Covered in Rain" on repeat, watching thunderstorms roll in and light up a big dark sky, bonfires, burgers, beans, hammocking, sunsets and starry skies, homemade New Years Eve ball drops, quiet mornings with the Lord before my friends woke up and pancake breakfasts when they did.

I don't ever get sick of these stories.  If anything, I worry that at some point I won't remember them as well.  Life seemed simpler then.  We dreamed about the future, seeing only the endless possibilities in front of us.  We laughed a lot.  We savored our time, making the most of every silly idea or good conversation.

Life is different now.  We're all different too.  And I get sad thinking that things will never be the way they were.  But I'm so thankful for that place and those people.  I'm thankful for all the little ways the Lord used that season of my life to reveal to me more of who he is.  I'm thankful for the way he orchestrated friendships and brought together people that taught me about real fellowship in him.  And I'm thankful that He's not finished with us yet-- that even though my friends and I are all spreading out and moving on, I know he's continuing to mold us and teach us and sanctify us for his glory.

I'm praising God tonight for what he has done, but I'm also praising him because I know that's not all there is.
"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
“The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.” Lamentations 3:22-24

first, sinner.

"When you have tasted the grace of the gospel, no relationship, no matter how wrong or hurtful or annoying looks the same to you. You'll see yourself as 'first, sinner, and second, sinned against,' and when that happens, your entire disposition toward others' offenses toward you will change." -J.D. Greear

How often is this really how I see things?  I confess that I find myself easily hurt, offended, and frustrated by others.  It is difficult for me to respond with grace and forgiveness.  I often forget that God, the HOLY one, is hurt and offended by sin.  And I am first and foremost a sinner.  I am only able to be called righteous because of the blood of Christ.  Only because a holy God who required sacrifice for the forgiveness of sins made the perfect sacrifice in his Son.  Only because Jesus bore the full wrath of God so that I wouldn't have to.

And if I truly believe these things to be true, what right do I have to choose not to forgive? Shouldn't I give grace to others in praise of the God who gave the greatest grace in Christ?

I should.  And I am learning.  First, sinner. Second, sinned against.

First, undeserving.  Next, given grace...  given life, forgiveness of sins, relationship with the Lord, joy, peace.

Thanks Lord, for refinement. For reaffirming my identity (forgiven sinner). For purpose (to bring you glory by giving grace to others).

boasting.

I was convicted yesterday by a message I heard about boasting.  If you have the time, I encourage you to listen: http://www.redeemerkansascity.org/sermons/wisdom-folly-boasting/

I've been allowing myself to feel overwhelmed recently, getting completely caught up in school and feeling like a total failure when my efforts don't translate to favorable results.  I've been frustrated with friendships, experiencing insecurity when it seems like people are too busy or have moved on to other friends.

So I've been overwhelmed; frustrated.  I've been tired.  Self-pitying.

And then it hit me yesterday.  I've been trying really hard to have something to boast in.  Attaching my worth to school or friendships, hoping that through them I would find value.  I'd find something to feel good about.

It doesn't feel like boasting when things aren't going your way.  It feels like rock-bottom.  But the truth is, if I had been doing well in these areas of my life, what would be coming through in my attitude would be pride.  Both self-deprecation and pride stem from a heart that desires to boast in its own value, achievements, etc.  And both are futile.  Both lead to emptiness, disappointment, a wrong view of self, and a wrong view of God.

Boasting is "that of which one glories or can glory".  Here's the beautiful truth I was reminded of yesterday: I have nothing of my own to glory in.  All boasting ought to be for the One who is infinitely glorious and who ALONE is worthy.  He has given us everything in Christ.  ALL glory is due to His name.  So let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord!


"For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”

(1 Corinthians 1:26-31 ESV)

growing pains.

For the past few months, I have been experiencing growing pains.

I'm not talking about the physical sense of the term; my body doesn't ache as my muscles are stretching and growing.  In fact, I think my last growth spurt happened in middle school.

What I am, however, referring to I think is a very accurate description of how I've been thinking/feeling recently.

It's interesting-- I've been noticing that the longer a person walks with Christ, the more sinfulness in them is revealed.  I am more aware of my sin this year than I ever have been, and yet I know that even now I don't fully comprehend the depths of that sinfulness.

The word sanctification has been on my mind as of late.  To sanctify is "to make holy".  After a person has been justified by repenting and believing Christ's death and resurrection, they are saved from the penalty of sin.  Christ's righteousness is on them and the Father sees them as holy.  However, sin is still present in our lives until we stand before God in heaven.  Therefore, sanctification is the process by which we walk with God, seek him, love him, praise him, and learn to delight in obedience to him.

When you put it in those terms, it is easy to romanticize.  I've been guilty of rationalizing that if life with Christ isn't great and wonderful, it isn't worth the effort.  But the truth is, growing pains are often (if not always) part of the process.  I have to be broken of sin and self over and over and over again before I can see God's goodness, before I can delight in his presence.  Before he can change me into his likeness.

As I said before, so much of my sinful nature has been revealed to me recently.  It's overwhelming.  It's convicting.  It's hard.  But if that is what it takes to draw me nearer to my God, (and it IS), then growing pains are worthwhile.  Stretching is required, but growing comes as a result.  That is something to rejoice in.


"What then? Are we to sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness? But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness. I am speaking in human terms, because of your natural limitations. For just as you once presented your members as slaves to impurity and to lawlessness leading to more lawlessness, so now present your members as slaves to righteousness leading to sanctification.
For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

(Romans 6:15-23 ESV)

perspective.

"A person cannot appreciate the wonder of God's grace until he knows about the perfect demands of God's law, and he cannot appreciate the fullness of God's love for him until he knows something about the fierceness of God's anger against his sinful failure to perfectly obey that law.  He cannot appreciate God's forgiveness until he knows about the eternal consequences of the sins that require a penalty and need forgiving."

-John MacArthur